When is the Last Taste of Goodbye?
It isn’t the first broken heart I’ve had since I learned to love and be loved, since I experience the first taste of having a crush/ or admiration, the sweet tinge feeling of being in love to the last bitter taste of affection.
Since the first day I met him and try to be part of my trouble-free life.
When it was really, it was almost four years ago since that day. I knew then I shall never expect thing more than what I could imagine were we both knew why. Friendship grew like flower in the fields as day goes by I could feel the attuned not to mentions that we had the same astrological sign.
Though I had this character of aloofness, yet he still finds the way to reach me in so many ways just to be with me and share a little laughs. Those token of initiative to whirl the friendship was inevitable and it grows stronger everyday, while I’m trying to wedge in my mind that it could not be anything else but friendship.
Each day we connect to the next level of unexpected feeling, I knew he is. I could feel it when he stroke my hair, look in my eye and take a deep breath like he want to say something I probably anticipate that somehow it will lead us to different path and yet, something reminds me it couldn’t be.
Could I say that he teach me to live in make believe when he tell me that he is with her 6yrs of long time relationship when I could find out that you barely 2 months when our friendship start. Were I tried to distance myself and make stiff just to delude the feelings that grows inside me for I knew this is the better way than to open a gate and fall myself in my own trap. Yet it’s too late ‘cause he had me no matter how I tried to control it I always imagined you and I together, especially when he admit it that he fell with me barely 2 months ago when I had my break up with his cousin. I had to pause for a moment and take time to think of what shall I answer a fair one that I could get a fair response.
For the 2nd time he make me believe that I was the sole owner of his heart and left nothing for the one who blighted his heart, I accepted him with open arms because this is also what I want to have been to be with him, share dreams and make it happen. Believing in him for me is so easy for he own my heart, yet for the 3rd shocking time he try to make me believe that I am the rightful owner, when suddenly he took a distance and never bother to converse with me. Days counted by without hearing a word from him and until my tears dried up. I vowed myself that I will forget him, and erase him from my system like I’d never known someone like him. It was confirmed. Until one night for 1 and half months of forsaking me, he has these guts to show his face on me and believing that I had this same feeling he once deserted.
I was stiff like stone when he asked me if he could talk about us, I even drastically answered him back just to show I don’t even care anymore, yet I still given up to the weakness of my feelings that I could pay him back by telling that I’m not interested in any words he will say. I tried to avoid the looks in his eyes that made me weak, his sad face that trying to make me believe again. I was strong then when I tell him I erased him and I never knew him that he was just like unfamiliar neighborhood. I knew I hurt him right then and there. I feel happy. I did it. Yet, I thought I win that night but he won me, I lose in his arms once again, I gave up to his warmth embrace, and lusted kissed.
I thought that is the end of our sad story, I could never imagine that is just the start of more complicated one. After the on and off relationship of having back in the arms together, after those kiss and make ups, still my mind are not open to the reality that I am such a loser for letting it happen into my life. For loving him unconditionally without giving him a firm words to stand on me. For letting him fly to wherever he wants to go, for the many heartaches and pains he incurred on me. Still, I’m blind to see that we still on the verge of saying goodbye again after what I’ve had done for him for the last few years of standing up on him.
=broken pieces=
20/1/09
It isn’t the first broken heart I’ve had since I learned to love and be loved, since I experience the first taste of having a crush/ or admiration, the sweet tinge feeling of being in love to the last bitter taste of affection.
Since the first day I met him and try to be part of my trouble-free life.
When it was really, it was almost four years ago since that day. I knew then I shall never expect thing more than what I could imagine were we both knew why. Friendship grew like flower in the fields as day goes by I could feel the attuned not to mentions that we had the same astrological sign.
Though I had this character of aloofness, yet he still finds the way to reach me in so many ways just to be with me and share a little laughs. Those token of initiative to whirl the friendship was inevitable and it grows stronger everyday, while I’m trying to wedge in my mind that it could not be anything else but friendship.
Each day we connect to the next level of unexpected feeling, I knew he is. I could feel it when he stroke my hair, look in my eye and take a deep breath like he want to say something I probably anticipate that somehow it will lead us to different path and yet, something reminds me it couldn’t be.
Could I say that he teach me to live in make believe when he tell me that he is with her 6yrs of long time relationship when I could find out that you barely 2 months when our friendship start. Were I tried to distance myself and make stiff just to delude the feelings that grows inside me for I knew this is the better way than to open a gate and fall myself in my own trap. Yet it’s too late ‘cause he had me no matter how I tried to control it I always imagined you and I together, especially when he admit it that he fell with me barely 2 months ago when I had my break up with his cousin. I had to pause for a moment and take time to think of what shall I answer a fair one that I could get a fair response.
For the 2nd time he make me believe that I was the sole owner of his heart and left nothing for the one who blighted his heart, I accepted him with open arms because this is also what I want to have been to be with him, share dreams and make it happen. Believing in him for me is so easy for he own my heart, yet for the 3rd shocking time he try to make me believe that I am the rightful owner, when suddenly he took a distance and never bother to converse with me. Days counted by without hearing a word from him and until my tears dried up. I vowed myself that I will forget him, and erase him from my system like I’d never known someone like him. It was confirmed. Until one night for 1 and half months of forsaking me, he has these guts to show his face on me and believing that I had this same feeling he once deserted.
I was stiff like stone when he asked me if he could talk about us, I even drastically answered him back just to show I don’t even care anymore, yet I still given up to the weakness of my feelings that I could pay him back by telling that I’m not interested in any words he will say. I tried to avoid the looks in his eyes that made me weak, his sad face that trying to make me believe again. I was strong then when I tell him I erased him and I never knew him that he was just like unfamiliar neighborhood. I knew I hurt him right then and there. I feel happy. I did it. Yet, I thought I win that night but he won me, I lose in his arms once again, I gave up to his warmth embrace, and lusted kissed.
I thought that is the end of our sad story, I could never imagine that is just the start of more complicated one. After the on and off relationship of having back in the arms together, after those kiss and make ups, still my mind are not open to the reality that I am such a loser for letting it happen into my life. For loving him unconditionally without giving him a firm words to stand on me. For letting him fly to wherever he wants to go, for the many heartaches and pains he incurred on me. Still, I’m blind to see that we still on the verge of saying goodbye again after what I’ve had done for him for the last few years of standing up on him.
=broken pieces=
20/1/09
Labels: broken